"In His Hands"

About a month after Ruby passed away, while Kate was at her first day of preschool, two bereaved mothers were going to come over to talk with me. I saw them walk up the sidewalk, talking and smiling. I thought it seemed to odd that they could be smiling. They knocked and I stood on the opposite side of the door, trying to compose myself when I heard them "chit chatting".  I so clearly remember thinking, "I am going to smile and chit chat again one day?" It was such a foreign idea to my broken heart and spirit, but it gave me hope.

Jenny Hess was one of those mothers. She very suddenly and traumatically lost her dear 4 year old son Russell, while on a family vacation. It has been 5 years since he returned to Heaven, and Jenny just finished an amazing book called, "In His Hands."

Talking to parents who have also lost children, has been very comforting to me. It is painful to hear their stories, but there is a similarity in the pain, a thread that so violently runs through each of our hearts, that bonds us to each other.  I have been pretty "comfortable" in my grieving for the past while. I haven't had very many major breakdowns, and I haven't been reaching out for comfort like I needed to those first few months and year. As I started Jenny's book, I realized how lonely I had been. As I read her words, her experiences, her feelings, her fears, her hopes, her dreams, her doubts, her struggles and triumphs, I felt like I was reading my own heart.

Grieve is such a lonely road most of the time. There is no going around it, under it, or over it. The only way is through it. Everyone grieves differently, and that can make it feel like you have to travel the road alone. While reading "In His Hands" I realized that those of of that are grieving are all on the same trail, we are trudging through the thick mud, side by side, but we all have a different way of trudging.

I have read so many books on loss and grief that I have lost count of them. They all left me feeling like I was failing in my struggle, and I needed to hurry on with this process and be healed. Jenny's book, is real and honest. Her wound is fresh, and she knows it will never fully "heal".  It is validating to hear someone share her feelings so openly. I felt as though I was given permission to take my time, fully feel the pain, and not feel rushed or guilty for it.

Jenny has given me hope. I look at her, and I see a happy person. I see a person that has learned from her experience, and continues to learn and change and grown each day she faces with out her child.

I highly recommend her book to everyone. No matter what struggle you are facing, there is always joy at the end. "In His Hands", though sad, has inspired me, and left me feeling hope, peace and comfort.

To learn more about Jenny, and her journey, watch this beautiful video.