We went on a little getaway for the weekend with my parents. Everyone left the pool for a minute and I was people watching. I immediately spotted a baby girl, around Ruby's age, sound asleep on her mom's chest. The tears started to flow, and then came the body convulsions. When you feel like your a missing your insides, it makes you convulse I've learned. It is so hard to look around and see so many healthy, happy babies, and then feel the heaviness that is my empty arms.
Just a few minutes later, I received an email from a mother who had just lost her son days before. She shared with me that the choice to donate his organs, were made easier because of Ruby. I can't even describe the joy that brings to me. It is hard to understand most of the time why Ruby is gone, and why we have to endure this, but her impact on thousands leaves me speechless. It is hard not to feel comforted and more peaceful hearing a story like that.
And today, I bumped into a mom with a cute baby at Target. I have never met her before, but she shared with me how much Ruby's story has touched her life, and made her want to be a better mom. She also said she was now an organ donor. I tried hard not to cry in the middle of Target, but the tears came.
That is my Ruby girl touching people left and right. I am so proud of my daughter. I am so lucky, in so many ways.
When I see and hear the tangible ways that Ruby has touched lives, it reminds me of her purpose on this earth, and reminds me that our Heavenly Father truly has a plan for every one of us. Ruby has a pretty amazing plan. I am so happy to be a part of that.
Just a few minutes later, I received an email from a mother who had just lost her son days before. She shared with me that the choice to donate his organs, were made easier because of Ruby. I can't even describe the joy that brings to me. It is hard to understand most of the time why Ruby is gone, and why we have to endure this, but her impact on thousands leaves me speechless. It is hard not to feel comforted and more peaceful hearing a story like that.
And today, I bumped into a mom with a cute baby at Target. I have never met her before, but she shared with me how much Ruby's story has touched her life, and made her want to be a better mom. She also said she was now an organ donor. I tried hard not to cry in the middle of Target, but the tears came.
That is my Ruby girl touching people left and right. I am so proud of my daughter. I am so lucky, in so many ways.
When I see and hear the tangible ways that Ruby has touched lives, it reminds me of her purpose on this earth, and reminds me that our Heavenly Father truly has a plan for every one of us. Ruby has a pretty amazing plan. I am so happy to be a part of that.
I love you Rubers.
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22 comments:
I don't know if you had a chance to watch General Conference this weekend. There were several talks that spoke on trials and not understanding God's will but remaing faithful nonetheless. I thought of you the whole time. You and your Ruby are such an inspiration. Still praying for you constantly. xoxo
We prayed for Ruby while she was sick and my 4 and 5 year old still pray for her every day! Except this time it's please bless that baby Ruby has a "healfy" body up in heaven. Thanks for sharing your sweet Ruby with us. She really has touched so many lives at such a hard cost for you and your family. We will continue to pray for your family!
you're a trooper, and like the girl in target, i appreciate my daughter more and more than i thought i could. hang in there you're mentality is right on track. you're strong and your feelings are most definitely real ones.
I changed my license to organ donor after following Ruby's story.
You, your family and Ruby are still in my thoughts and prayers everyday.
-Molly
it's incredible. she is incredible. so are you. I thought about your family a lot during conference too this past weekend. Still in our prayers!
Organ donation saves so many lives and is such a wonderful thing for someone to give to another. I think it's amazing that you've turned something so tragic into a message for others. You really are an inspiration.
Ani, my heart aches for you still when I think of how much you miss your girl. I think of you and Ruby so much each day and carry a prayer in my heart for you constantly. Your story has reminded me of the pain those around us live with.... pain that we are probably unaware of as we walk by them. Not only do I live my life as a mother (and wife) with more gratitude, but I am looking with more compassion at people in general. I hope you and your family feel the prayers we are sending your way.
What a beautiful post Ani!
You are one wonderful momma. Ruby continues to touch my life every day. She will always be with me, and I never met her, or you! That is one special little girl. You should be so proud to be her mom.
And how you described that moment - feeling like you were missing your insides - that was such a good way to put words to an indescribable feeling I am sure. Wishing you peace...
Thank you Ani for sharing your thoughts with all of us. You are an amazing mother! Ruby is truly am "Angel Girl" doing her job very well. She had helped people daily, and sometimes hourly, with her story of endurance and suffering. Be so happy to remember she is yours forever!
Love and hugs to you and your family is constant and sure!!!
I can relate to those feelings. I understand that gut wrenching feeling when you realize your little girl is no longer here. How the panic sets in. I know how it makes you feel sooo proud when you hear how your daughter affected so many people, complete strangers. You feel so proud that she is yours forever :) The only thing I found at those moments that seemed to help when the pain was unbearable, was to pray. I honestly remember that heavy weight literally taken off my shoulders, and left me with an incredible relationship with my Savior. Sending love, from a mom who knows the same ache you are experiencing.
Love,
Ash
You are such an inspiration!
Your family is a blessing to the world. Thank you for sharing your special daughter and her amazing big sister. Vast amounts of people will never be the same. I'm sorry it comes at such a cost to you.
I am positive Ruby's influence is immeasurable. I feel like it is immeasurable just in my own life, forget about the lives of my children. I wish you comfort. And happy distractions.
I just finished my paperwork to become a living liver donor. All because of sweet Ruby.
I don't even want to imagine the pain you are bearing daily. I certainly don't understand why this happened, but yes, when you tell a story like that, it does makes a little sense, doesn't it? That Ruby's suffering was NOT in vain, nor yours, when you consider that she did more good in her short life than many do in their long ones. And now you are carrying her legacy on. So many lives touched for the better. God does indeed work in mysterious ways.
One thing that does comfort me when I think of what you are going through. I have had my own experience of deep suffering and during those times the presence of God and His Grace were huge to me. When sobs would wrack me I would literally feel Him surrounding me with His comfort and His might. Those times are so precious and fade once we are back on an even keel and finding life bearable once again. I miss that constant realization of the presence of God. Enjoy every minute of it.
Jaxx
A beautiful picture of a beautiful soul! Thank you for sharing.
You are an amazing person, mother and wife. The way you raised awareness about your daughter shows your everlasting love. She will live on through everything you have done to raise awareness on organ donation and through her foundation. You should be proud of yourself. Because you are an amazing person and Ruby was very fortunate to have such a wonderful mother and family. Your blog inspires people in more ways than you'll ever know. You and Ruby have touched a countless number of lives, and you and Ruby have changed numerous lives by promoting organ donation. You are an angel sent from above. Because you chose to make something amazing out of your strong little girl, you are saving people's lives every day by helping them make the decision to donate their organs. You are an amazing person.
I came across your blog through another and wanted to let you know how much Ruby's story has touched me. Being an organ donor has always been important to me, however I had not taken the time to complete the online form since moving back to Texas. After reading your blog I took the time and will also be encouraging others to do the same. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers- thank you for sharing your story.
I see little Ruby's picture pop up on Pinterest quite often, mostly because of the adorable little headband she's wearing, and every time I do I want to tell the person who posted it "yes, the headband is cute, but the little girl wearing it has touched the lives of a lot of people." You and your family are always in my thoughts. You are not crying alone. Everyone who has read your story is a little more inspired, a little more heart-broken, and a little more loving than they were before Ruby.
I have been reading through your blog. I wanted you to know that you make me excited to be a Mom. My husband and I have not been able to have kids up to this point, but we have been told we are okay to move forward and should have success if we're ready. I have been unsure if that is a step I really want to take...lose my 'freedom' and 'independence' for someone else...I can say that your obvious love at being a Mom to your two daughters and the happiness you have as a Mom makes me excited to have that too. I know I will gain so much. Thank you for sharing your story, your daughters are beautiful.
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