She should have...

She should have started preschool today. We should have gone school shopping and picked out the perfect outfit, probably a dress. I would have put out the “You Are Special Today”, plate, and made her her favorite breakfast. I don’t even know what that would have been. Pancakes? Waffles? Oatmeal? I would have given her a bath, and made sure she was squeaky clean to meet her teacher for the first time. I would have combed her hair, and put a pretty bow in. She would have stood on our front porch, holding the chalkboard. It would have read, “1^st Day of Preschool”. I would have taken pictures, one with me and her, one with her and her dad, and one with all three girls. She would have put her little dimpled hand in mine and we would have walked across the street to the preschool. She would have been nervous, and probably a little excited. I would have been a nervous wreck, wondering if she would be ok out of my care for those few hours twice a week.  I would have watched her sit on the floor, with the other kids, listening to a book, and probably glancing back every so often to make sure I was still there. She should have started preschool today. But she didn’t.

Every day I miss her, but it is days like today, that I know exactly what I am missing out on. I know where we would have been, and what we would be doing today. So today, instead of crying with the other moms that our babies are starting preschool, I am at home, crying that she isn’t.