 |
| Ruby Girl, asleep in her Daddy's arms. Light pink favorite jammies on. |
Looking back is hard. But, back is the only way I can look to remember her. Everyday I think about what we were doing a year ago. Where we in the hospital? At home? Was it a good day? Did I enjoy her? Did I enjoy Kate? Was I a good mom to my little girls that day?
I am thankful that most days were good days for us. Even the ones in the hospital. Somewhere deep inside, I must have know. I must have known I needed to enjoy every moment of her...of my life for those months. I am thankful that the prompting I had, that we were going to lose her, was only the day before she left. I was always so hopeful, and it made our 7 months together enjoyable. I honestly did not imagine the worst. Of course, there were moments of overwhelming grief for our situation, and deep sadness for all that Ruby would have to endure, but I didn't fear for her life more than a few times.
Where were we a year ago today? We were home as a family. We worked in our tiny yard together. Ruby hung out with Matt in the sling. Kate ran in and out of the house. I probably bathed her, and held her and nursed her. I probably played with Kate. Kate must have snuggled with Ruby on the couch. Matt held Ruby, and Kate was snuggled under his free arm. We were always so thrilled to be home, as a family. It was a rare perspective we had. We just longed to be in our home, together, just being a family.
It's hard NOT to look back, because it was a happy 7 months we had with Ruby in our family. But we are also looking forward. We are anxiously waiting to be with our Ruby again. We are anxious to have our little family all together again. We are moving forward, one step closer to Ruby everyday.
Posts
13 comments:
Sweet little Ruby is THE most gorgeous baby ever. I still think and pray for your family daily. My heart still breaks for you every single time I read one of your posts. I just adore you.
Lots of Love,
Cindy
She really is beautiful. For the first year, I did the same, thought about what we were doing a year ago, I've learned now that we are onto the second year, I don't compare as much, which makes it less painful.
My counselor taught me to think about driving a car, its okay to take glimpses back in the rear view mirror, but don't stay there too long or you'll crash. That keeps you moving forward. I've learned those glimpses in that rear view mirror have become more sweet as I don't find myself stuck in the past :)
Sounds like you have already figured that out. Thinking of your sweet family.
Thank you for sharing the raw feelings of your heart. I cry everytime I read your words, but it helps me remember to cherish every moment of the hard days of being a Mommy.
Thank you for your strong example.
ruby is so beautiful. i'm so grateful you have so many cherished memories to look back on.
"One step closer to Ruby every day." Is such a beautiful way to think of it. You had a very beautiful 7 months. I can read it through your words. What a wonderful mother you are to see the good and feel it even in those unbelievably sad times.
I read your posts and I always think,thank goodness for the knowledge I have. And I say it over and over again. That one day you and your family will be with Ruby. Thank you for your posts. I'm sure they are at times just heart wrenching to write but I am grateful for the time and love you put into them.
I love that rear view mirror analogy. That Ruby was (and is!) one LOVED baby-by you, by her family, her ward, her friends, and countless strangers around the world.
So glad u have so many happy memories with her and wish u could've made more. But also so glad to know where she is now and that you'll be with her again. Thanks for the post. I check daily!
How precious to have those photos of a wonderful normal day. It really puts things into perspective that even the simple normal things are what make heaven on earth if we choose to look at them that way. I do believe that you were so inspired to enjoy every sweet moment. Hugs and love to you.
I saw this article today and thought of you:
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865554979/Starting-today-Facebook-wants-you-to-be-an-organ-donor.html
I saw this article today and thought of you:
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865554979/Starting-today-Facebook-wants-you-to-be-an-organ-donor.html
Oh hun - of course you look back - because what beautiful memories you have of Ruby and your family together. You are always in my heart. Ruby's picture remains on my refrigerator - so I can remember her, and all of you. Thinking of you...
What a blessing it is that you were full of faith and hope so that you were able to enjoy the 7 months you had with her. I am so grateful you can look back and have so many wonderful and happy memories with her. She is blessed to have you as her mother and I know she looks forward to the reunion as much as you do.
Just found your blog through Nie. As I was reading your motherhood essay my 20-month-old daughter saw a picture of your Ruby and said, "baby, hug" and put her face up to my iPad to give Ruby a hug!
Post a Comment