Florida

I recently went on a trip to Florida to watch my brother participate in the Ironman. He had told me a few weeks before the event that he was doing it for Ruby. I wanted to be there for him from the start of his training, but when I knew it was for my girl, I wanted to be there even more. 

A few days before the event, I was getting ready for the day when my sister-in-law Megan called me and said, "How fast can you pack your bags?!" An hour later I was on the way to the airport. I was so thrilled, but also a little sad to be leaving Matt and Kate, and traveling alone for the first time since before I was married! It didn't take me long to realize that I was definitely not alone. I know Ruby loves me, and is always watching out for me, whenever she can. 

 

My brother did amazing during his race. It spent so much time preparing for the Ironman, but it was still going to be a big challenge. I knew that Ruby had to be there to help him when he needed it most. Shortly after he finished he told me that a few times it was so hard he did not know how it was going to finish, but knew that Ruby was with him in those moments. It made my mother's heart so happy to know Ruby was there, looking out for her uncle when he needed her. I was so glad I was able to be there and to witness such an amazing accomplishment, especially when it was dedicated to my girl. 

I was surprised by how many shells, especially sand dollars were all over the beach where we were staying. There were TONS of broken sand dollars. It was my goal to find a whole one before we left. 

We all searched, everyday, and never found one. The day of Ruby's 22 month Birthday, I walked out to the beach, and saw my mom standing knee high in the water. Right before I reached her she started jumping up and down, having found a whole sand dollar! She said it was Ruby, and gave it to me. It was so sweet! That day I searched and searched, and found many beautfiful shells up and down the beach, but still thought at least Ruby could help me find one of my own! I might have even asked her to send me one! Just before I was about to give up my search, I thought I would grab a few broken pieces, just to show Kate when I got home. I looked down, and reached for a large piece under the clear water, and pulled out a whole sand dollar! I couldn't believe it. I guess I just need to ask her for those little signs more often! I found it only about 30 seconds after asking her to help me find one! 

It wasn't perfect, it was rough around the edges, and a little dull in color, but it kinda reminded me of myself. I knew that Ruby was with her mama, even in Florida, and that made me feel really happy. 

A little dream

I have had very few dreams about Ruby since she passed away. The other night I dreamed about her, and it was so real, and so clear that I wanted to record it before it escaped my memory. 

I had left a room for a second, and was coming back when I saw a little toddler. I did not see her face clearly, but knew she was mine. I remember thinking how tall and slender she was. And she was walking! I quickly started clapping with excitement and said, "She is walking!" The other person in the room looked at me like I was crazy and said, "You never knew she could walk?" I remember feeling really confused and embarressed. Well of course she can walk, she is nearly two, but why was the this first time I had seen her?! 

When I woke up and started to replay the dream in my mind, I knew it must have been Ruby I was dreaming about, and it all made sense. 

I am so heartbroken that I have to wait, what seems like an eternity, before I get to see her again. I can't wait to watch her walk, and play, and smile and giggle. The dream gave me a little boost and reminded my gently that she is never too far away.