"Because of Him, even our Savior, Jesus Christ, those feelings of sorrow,
loneliness, and despair will one day be swallowed up in a fulness of
joy."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am thankful.
As a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I believe in modern day prophets. We have one, on the earth today, his name is Thomas S. Monson. I believe that God would never leave his people without his voice guiding and directing His people, and His church on the Earth again. Each October, and again in April, instead of going to our church services on Sunday, we stay home and get to watch what is called General Conference on TV. The leaders of our church take turns giving inspirational talks about topics that relate to the struggles that we are having in our day. We also learn more in depth about gospel topics such as the atonement, repentance, and eternal families. Since I can remember, I have always felt like these speakers, speaking to literally millions of people, were talking directly to me. This passed General Conference was no different.
There are 4 sessions, the first of which starts on Saturday morning. I was busy getting dressed and ready to head out to Kate's soccer game, and listening while I applied my make up when I heard the words, "I would like to speak to those who have lost a child and have asked the
question, “Why me?” or maybe even questioned your own faith in a loving
Father in Heaven." I thought immediately, "Heavenly Father knows me." He knew I needed to hear what this man is going to say. I was glued to the screen."
Now, I have read any and all books I can get my hands on, relating to this topic as it relates to the gospel. I have read my scriptures, talked to very spiritual and knowledge people, and most importantly have pour my heart and soul out to my Father in Heaven who listens and teaches over time, through the Spirit. I thought that maybe this man, Elder Shayne Bowen, was going to teach me something I had missed. Something big even. But that did not happen, per say.
What I did learn, was that I was not alone. As he related his very personal experiences and feeling of losing his 8 month-old son, I felt like he was reading the words written in the deepest, darkest parts of my own heart. I realized that is okay to feel that way I feel, and not be doubting the Lord, or His blessings. I can feel angry, and hurt, and disappointment and fear, and still have a testimony of His plan, and his mighty gospel. Having the gospel does not make this terrible trial, "OK", it just means it has a happy ending...one day!
After a really great day as a family, I conveyed my frustration to Matt that is just never would feel totally perfect. There was just always going to be something missing. RUBY is missing, and how could we ever had a perfectly joyful and content day, when she is not in it. We have come pretty dang close, but I think that day will be reserved for our great reunion. The next day, when I heard Elder Bowen speak, he said, "Sometimes people will ask, “How long did it take you
to get over it?” The truth is, you will never completely get over it
until you are together once again with your departed loved ones. I will
never have a fulness of joy until we are reunited in the morning of the
First Resurrection."
I wanted to share a few of my favorite quotes from Elder Bowen's talk, and I hope it speaks to those who have lost any loved one, especially a child:
"As
I felt the guilt, anger, and self-pity trying to consume me, I prayed
that my heart could change. Through very personal sacred experiences,
the Lord gave me a new heart, and even though it was still lonely and
painful, my whole outlook changed. I was given to know that I had not
been robbed but rather that there was a great blessing awaiting me if I
would prove faithful.
My
life started to change, and I was able to look forward with hope,
rather than look backward with despair. I testify that this life is not
the end. The spirit world is real. The teachings of the prophets
regarding life after death are true. This life is but a transitory step
forward on our journey back to our Heavenly Father."
"I have learned that the bitter, almost unbearable pain can become sweet
as you turn to your Father in Heaven and plead for His comfort that
comes through His plan; His Son, Jesus Christ; and His Comforter, who is
the Holy Ghost.
What
a glorious blessing this is in our lives. Wouldn’t it be tragic if we
didn’t feel great sorrow when we lose a child? How grateful I am to my
Father in Heaven that He allows us to love deeply and love eternally.
How grateful I am for eternal families. How grateful I am that He has
revealed once again through His living prophets the glorious plan of
redemption.
Remember
as you attended the funeral of your loved one the feelings in your
heart as you drove away from the cemetery and looked back to see that
solitary casket—wondering if your heart would break.
I
testify that because of Him, even our Savior, Jesus Christ, those
feelings of sorrow, loneliness, and despair will one day be swallowed up
in a fulness of joy. I testify that we can depend on Him and when He
said:
“I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.
“Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.”5
I know I have not been left. I have been comforted. I will have my Ruby again, and then too, I will also have my fullness of Joy.
Posts
