5 months too long

Time.
It is all I ever think about these days. I think about how old she was, how old she would have been. I think about how many days, weeks, months it has been. How many more days until it will be 6 months since she has been gone. How much longer I will have to wait to hold her again.... It is just so hard to grasp.

The very wise man, Neal Maxwell said,

"...time is clearly not our natural dimension. Thus it is that we are never really at home in time. Alternately, we find ourselves impatiently wishing to hasten the passage of time or to hold back the dawn. We can do neither, of course. Whereas the bird is at home in the air, we are clearly not at home in time—because we belong to eternity! Time, as much as any one thing, whispers to us that we are strangers here. If time were natural to us, why is it that we have so many clocks and wear wristwatches?"

Those crazy waves of grief that I talked about before...sometimes consume and take me over. The feeling of panic and despair are almost too much to handle. I think that death is so hard to understand because of the separation, and it hard to fathom that it is only temporary.
It is in those moments that the Lord whispers to me to remember. Remember the plan. Remember we are an eternal family. Remember, she is mine, and she will always be mine. Remember, that even though I cannot see her with my eyes, she is here with us.

I try to grasp eternity. I try to imagine, a limitless amount of time that I get with my family. I think about what a small amount of time, this life here must be in comparison with the life we have ahead of us. It makes this trial seem do-able.

As much as I wish to hasten the time, I cannot.

But, I have an eternity to look forward to.