Heavy Heart

Tonight I am sad. My grandpa, Papa, passed away on Wednesday night. The house has been filled with his children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. There has been yummy dinners served each night. There has been tears, but more laughs. The small house is packed, but the feeling that someone is missing cannot go unnoticed. It just feels different. I suppose it always will. Papa was such a presence. Always telling jokes or stories from his past. Always enjoying his family around him.
I feel so thankful that I listened to my gut, and went over last week and spent 2 days listening to his life history and recording it. I also felt inspired to bring my camera. Those pictures will always be precious to me. The memory that I have of sitting in the TV room, one on one with Papa, listening to story after story, is priceless to me.
I am thankful for the knowledge I have of the gospel, and that I will see him again one day.

Mother, do not read.

My parents have two very naughty dogs. NAUGHTY. I will not go into detail because I know Mother will read this and I will be "in trouble".
However, they tended to wake my sleeping baby during naps. And, any mother can agree, that is simply not acceptable. So, once they bark, I put them out in the garage in their "crate" (very large, padded, with food and water.)
I just put Kate down. Barking began. I have to catch them because they run from me. I caught Molly, the ringleader. Put her in the crate just as I realize I left the door open and Sadie, the follower, is at the threshold planning her escape into the free world. So, stupidly I ran to shut the door, leaving the crate door open. Molly escaped and was headed out so I ran at super speed to block her path. After shooing her back in the garage I RAN back to shut the garage door. Well, it went half way, and then SOMETHING got in the way and it stopped closing. ESCAPEEE. So, I break out into a full blown sprint up the street chasing her. Only to be passed by Sadie. Awesome part coming soon.
This man, who helps run a home for elderly people down the street always walks his dog with out a leash. And this is what set the dogs off in the first place. So, he is headed back down the street. Molly runs to his dog and they start fighting while the man is screaming in some sort of language I do not understand. Across the street, his coworker is watching the whole thing laughing. Finally catch Sadie, have her under my arm, and I pull dogs apart because Mr. No Leash is too much of a wuss to get between two pint sized dogs. So I have both dogs. Molly is a maniac and is still trying to get at Mr. No Leash's dog. My back is all cut up from her clawing to get away.
This was all done in a big fuzzy pink robe and no shoes. (awesome part.)

6 Quirks

1. I think I have super sensitive hearing. I hear everything. Awesome Spidy senses? No. It is a curse. I hate the sound of chewing. It bugs me sooo much when I hear people chew with their mouth open. It makes my skin crawl. Especially ice. Before I pick a seat at the movies I look around and sit next to people who do NOT have popcorn. I hear every dog barking in the neighborhood. I can even hear my Dad pop his gum in the garage when I am upstairs. I wish I did not have such amazing hearing skills.

2. While in the car I usually listen to Dr. Laura. Or to a CD of songs that sooths Kate. Every once in awhile I turn on the radio and realize I do not know any of the latest songs. So about every 6 months I look up the top 40 songs, download them, and put them on the ipod. My attempt at staying cool.

3. I can not stand it when Matt's feet touch mine while in bed. I don't know why! Don't get me wrong, I like playing footsies with my boyfriend, but just not it bed. It makes me jump!

4. I am super duper scared of the stomach flu. I HATE HATE HATE it. You you even slightly know me, you probably know this fact about me. If you tell me you had the flu last week I will immediately get away from you. Sorry! And, I will then probably not eat for the rest of the day and get a stomach ache (It is all in my head, I know), and not be able to fall sleep because I just KNOW I caught it from you. Once I heard my brother throwing up, so I got a blanket and put it at the bottom of the door covering the crack so the germs wouldn't come in my room. When he was locked in his room, I took a deep breath, opened my door, ran like a bat outta heck, and hightailed it to Bree's for the next 48 hours. Then avoided him for the next week. The reason I am so paranoid is because EVERY TIME I get the stomach flu I end up in the hospital. I get dehydrated sooo soo fast. I also throw up around 30 times. (I love it when people say they had the flu so bad, they thew up 3 times! HA! Wuss)
after coming home from hospital. hurts/is tiring to throw up so many times while 20 weeks preg.

5. When I wake up in the morning I am sooo hungry! If I happen to wake up in the middle of the night/early morning, I feel like I haven't eaten for days. Sometimes I have to go eat a banana or something just so I can fall back asleep. I think it has something to do with nursing.

6. I am obsessed with Low Fat Whole Wheat Eggos right now. I eat two every morning. I put a little yogurt on top and it is only 4 points on Weight Watchers. Also staying with the food theme..
Rootbeer with In N Out, Milk with Pizza, Diet Coke only when I am done nursing for the day, Water when we are at a restaurant.

Here are the rules:
Mention rules on your blog.
Tell about 6 quirks of yours.
Tag fellow bloggers to do the same

Tag: Danielle (unless you already did it), Bree, Jenna, Sandi, Danica, Ashley Dickman, and Jennifer Ray

i like pumpkin seeds

Put seeds covered in "gunk" into bowl of water straight oout of pumpkin. The seeds float to the top.

Run fingers through seeds to separate any lingering gunk.
Classic Olive Oil and Sea Salt.

"Pumpkin Pie" Butter, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg

"Greek Style" Olive Oil, lemon pepper, oregano, and garlic powder
"Spiced" salt, garlic salt, worcestershire sauce

275 for 1 hour


I was really excited for the Pumpkin Pie, but it wasn't very good. The Greek and Spiced were yummy!

The Night Before Jitters

Since I was an Eagle at Amb luel Elemen tary, I can remember the sleepless night, the tragic dreams, and the stomach ache in the morning. The first day of school always did this to me. Even in high school I got nervous, and had dreams that I missed my alarm, boys would flip up my cheer skirt, or worse. In college, I dreamed about missing an assignment or walking into the wrong class.
Well, I have been out of school for awhile now, and have been worry free, and had pleasant dreams until the night before last. I had a dream I was back in the halls for Cap o Val ley H S and trying to find my locker with out luck. We had had a week off of school, and in that week I had forgotten my locker number, and the combo. Ut Oh. I panicked and ran to the office to ask the office ladies. Then I couldn't remember what class I had second period. I ran into the class I thought I had, but it was wrong. The dream continued and it was awful. I woke up wondering why I had a dream like that. I was telling Matt about it and he smiled at me and said, "Are you nervous about your class tonight?" I had not even realized that I was secretly nervous. I was not even willing to admit it to myself that after having 17 "First Day of School" experiences, I was still worried.
I called Matt probably 4 times yesterday to discuss the hand off that should happen at 5:15. "Are you suuuure you can leave at 5? If you get here at 5:15, I will be on time. If you get here at 5:20 I have to walk in to the class late. Don't forget I have to drive there. Find parking. Pay for it. Walk to my class/FIND MY CLASS and get settled all before 6:00!" I was waiting outside with Kate at 5:15 with my camera, notebook, pen, water and sweater all loaded into the car. As I predicted, Matt arrived at 5:32. The hand off lasted 1o seconds and I was off. I got there by 5:40, was parked by 5:42 and nervously seated in class by 5:44.
I was on time. I found the right class. Everything was fine. Phew. It never gets easier.

ps. I am taking a photography class. I have wanted to do this for a long time. Finally got the camera, and the timing was right! It is once a week at night.

Little Pumpkin

Saturday we headed to a local farm to pick out our pumpkins!




(She loved her little pumpkin so much she kept licking it)

(Laughing at us in her seat while we load up the pumpkins in the trunk)


(10 minutes later, such a long day)

Swaddle Duck

My favorite is after Kate's bath when she smells so yummy and is super soft. Matt likes to "fluff" her hair. A while back he got it so fuzzy she looked just like a baby duck. I swaddled her up (which we never do anymore) in a soft fuzzy pink blanket, and I just wanted to eat her. I showed Matt and said, "Look at this little swaddle duck." So now we call her Swaddle Duck. We love our little Swaddle Duck.
She has really become affectionate in the past couple of weeks. I love it. She caresses my face and chest when I nurse her. My favorite is when she just leaves her hand resting on my nose or lips. It just melts me. She does it so so soft and gentle. And when we get close to her face (like to kiss her goodnight) she puts her hands on our cheeks and rubs our face. It is just the best feeling in the world to know that your little baby loves you as much as you love them.

For Grandma Pam

Afternoon beach trip

I took Kate down to the beach to enjoy this amazing weather. Matt met us down there and we played for a little while. Kate was loving the swing! I love where we live.



What a nice way to spend the afternoon!

Santa Ana Winds

My favorite weather arrived last night.
It makes me giddy.
Don't worry, I ran outside in my robe this morning to feel the warm amazing wind!
Matt watched through the window.
He thinks I am crazy.

Fun Weekend

This weekend was just what I needed. Lots of Matt, lots of Kate, relaxing, old friends, and a good party.

Friday night we put Kate down and sneaked off to the movies. We saw Eagle Eye, it was pretty good. But even better were the free tickets we were given for sitting down in wet seats.

Miss Andrea is now a Mrs. We went to San Diego on Saturday night for her amazing reception. It was absolutely beautiful. There was a post card on each place setting with a personal message to each guest from Andrea. There were 300 guest. Hello! She looks stunning and so happy. It was SO GOOD to see my friends. It has been way to long. My best friend Jenna came and staid with us on Saturday night and it was so much fun. Thanks for teaching my the duck walk Jenna! Kate misses you!

Sunday I drove Jenna to the airport (sniff sniff) and then went to church. After church we had a family dinner. It was so good to see my niece and handsome nephews. We had a yummy dinner and went for a walk after. I love my family.

Such a good weekend. Need more like these.

Kate's Birth Day

**Warning, super long. Details for me to remember.

It all started 10 days before our May 27th, 2008 D-Day. I picked out the most stretchy clothes I had, barely covering my enormous stomach. We went to Becca Stapely's wedding reception and ate some yummy Greek food. Little did I know, I would be tasting that food many more times in the coming days. I had cleaned my house, and showered and done my hair that day, and made the comment to someone at the reception, that I was all ready and it would be a great night for her to come!

We went to bed, and at 4am, I woke up to the feeling of my water breaking. I jumped out of bed and woke Matt up with the good news. When I realized that this was IT, I started shaking really hard. So strange! Matt and I kept saying "I can't believe that we were going to have a baby today!"(Too bad it wasn't that day!) I called my mom, who went into calming mode immediately, telling me it was ok to be shaking, take deep breaths, and call the doctor. Called the Doctor, who said to come on in. Then called Danielle to tell her the good news. After that I went into some sort of strange last minute nesting. I loaded the dishwasher, and started it. I folded some clothes. Emptied the trash. Wiped the already clean counters. I told Matt to take a shower, because I didn't want him to have bedhead in all the pictures. I also instructed him to shave so his scruff wouldn't scratch our new baby. I knew he would be kissing her tons. I was right. After I got dressed, straightened my hair, and put on a little mascara we were on our way. I was getting more and more nervous as we got closer to the hospital. It was an excited nervous more than scared nervous.

Going into the hospital. Notice shirt not coming belly. Notice huge face. I look like a lion.

6am: When we pulled up to the hospital a white van passed us and parked right by us. I said, "That looks like Danielle's van, that would be funny if it was her." And it was. My sister to lives 45 minutes away practically beat us to the hospital. I love her. We got checked in and they made sure I was indeed in labor and that my water had broken. I was a 2.

Happy happy. Baby is coming! No pain yet!

8am: My mom arrived and we had a little party for a few hours before they started my on petocin. A few hours later, still a 2. So they increased the petocin. A few more hours, and lots of painful contractions later, still a 2. Not good.
3pm: I got my epidural.

Epidurals make you feel good enough to text.

Oh how I love epidurals. The party continued with more visitors.

The nurse and doctor were a little concerned that I was not dilating and my contractions were not registering very strong. But they felt sooo strong. A few more hours later the epidural was wearing off and they were hesitant to give me more because they thought the contractions were not that strong (they thought I was a wuss). The doctor thought that with the strength of the contractions (which he thought was low) and how much pain I was in (I thought high), maybe the epidual was not working.

6pm: They started talking C-section at this point. I instantly started to cry. I was tired, and in pain, and the last thing I wanted was a c-section. But, since my body wasn't contracting hard enough, that it might be necessary. I am still a 2. The nurse said that she would check me once more, and then call the doctor, who would check me once more at 9:30 before doing a c-section.

Notice furrowed bow. That is my pain face.

She checked my at 8:45, still a 2. I was beside myself. I was exhausted, in horrible pain, and wanted it to be over. I wanted to meet my little girl. I was bawling and through my tears asked that my family gather around for a prayer. Matt, my Dad, Mike, and David gave me a beautiful blessing that put me at peace and promised that my body would do what it needed to have our baby. The doctor arrived at 9:15 for one last check. He looked at me and said "8/9". To that I said "Excuse me, 8/9 what?" He said "You are almost a 9!" Again, the tears started to stream down my face. This time out of pure relief, the strongest since of gratefulness, and my heart burning with knowledge of the power of prayer and priesthood.
The doctor asked my nurse (that is a whole seperate story, HORRIBLE NURSE) if she had flushed my line recently. She never had. Once she did, my contractions were off the charts.

This is when the real, no epidural pain started.
The whole day I was having hard hard contractions, and not getting any credit for them! The next few hours are pretty much a blur. I can remember lots of pain. Squeezing Matt, my mom, and Danielle's hands very hard through contractions.

I also had back labor, so they also were rubbing my back.
I remember thinking that I must have a long time left since it was still just us and the nurse in there with us. They had not brought the equipment in yet and this was making me nervous. They kept saying I was close, but I figured they were just saying that to keep my motivated since it was now 11pm and no baby yet. I started pushing and still, no one was coming in to deliver the baby! I remember a little hand held fan my mom had in her purse that was my saving grace. I got so hot while pushing that I thought it I didn't have that fan on me, I would die. And Matt was the one who almost died when he thought it was ok to use the fan on himself and the rest of the team (mom and sister). Can you believe that?!

Red fan=life saver. Red fan=almost Matt's death. I think this is right after I yelled at him.

Once I got the hang of pushing things started to move faster. They kept saying they could see her head, and I would push even harder. Still, no doctor, no equipment, they had not even broken the bed down into the correct delivering position. (Remember, I had just seen how everything was suppose to go down 5 weeks prior when my sister delivered their). So, I figured I was going to be doing this for a long time. My sister was the counter while I pushed. She told me later that she was trying to count fast because she felt bad for me. I guess the nurse knew what she was doing and told her count a little slower! My family that was listening through the door told me I was yelling, "I can't do this!" Well, guess what? I did. The babies head crowned and my nurse still had not called the doctor. The head nurse just happen to check in and started calling our orders instantly. She came over and was holding the babies head in, while they called the doctor. They told me to NOT PUSH! Are you kidding me?! The doctor finally came in, delivered the baby without gloves on and sitting on the edge of my bed. 12:09 AM. 20 hours of labor.
My baby girl was beautiful. There are not words to describe the feeling of seeing and holding your baby for the first time. It was amazing.
She weighted 7 lbs. 11oz. and was 20 inches long. Lots of dark hair, and the prettiest eyes I have ever seen. She was perfect.

The second morning in the hospital they brought her to me at 6am. I woke up and looked over to see my beautiful new baby staring right at me. It felt like Christmas morning, but way way better. I scooped her up, and snuggled with her in bed. We both feel asleep and I woke in the same position with her sweet little head right at my lips. No one came in to bother and poke at us that morning. It was just me and my girl. I love that memory.

Look at all this hair! (Since then it has fallen out! Sad!)

Dr. May

The next week at home was so great. She slept from 11-7ish from the get go. Matt took the week off and we got to know our little girl together in our little home. I loved every minute of it. We spent hours snuggling with our little peanut. When we weren't holding, her we were watching her sleep, and when we weren't doing that, we were talking about her. She sure stole our hearts instantly!







The End!